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Wednesday 18 February 2015

Thoughts On Dating

Do people actually date anymore? Like actually, go on dates?

As a 30 year old woman, I find dating weird. I don't understand why there has to be a label on this. I mean, can't you just hang out with someone to get to know them? Once you add the big label on it, it seems much more nerve-wracking and now you're expected to act a certain way. It's especially scary to think of going on a date with someone you don't know at all. It's much nicer to just hang out with someone for a while first, with no stress and no labels.

I recently got out of what some of my friends might call a bad relationship. I might say that it was good, and turned bad. It especially turned bad when I found out the person I was in love with, was in love with someone else, and had been seeing the someone else for quite some time. I had seen the signs, I had called them on it, they just kept weaving their web of lies and I kept believing them. You wanna see this chick turn into complete psycho? Let her find out the years of lies you've been telling her. HA!

Enough of that now, it's old news.

I'm not sure I'm "ready" for the dating thing yet. I really don't know, but I think I will know, when the time comes. I do, however, hate how everyone and their brother seem to think that a newly single female is open season within weeks of a traumatic ending of a 5 year relationship. Hell, even a month seems not enough time. Maybe it is that easy for some people to get over something like that.

I'm not some people.

I've been thinking though, given that everyone is different and people may need different amounts of time to get over things like this. There should be some sort of code of conduct, or rule list for people. So that guys and girls alike, can tell when someone is ready to start dating again. It's really hard for someone to just walk around saying "Hey, I'm available, I'm ready to date now!"

That being said, I have found it weird when people I consider friends, and were friends with "us", want to date me. I think that under normal circumstances, there's got to be some sort of line, somewhere between friend and acquaintance, where I might be comfortable trying to date (still kinda don’t like that word). Mostly, people I consider friends, have been friends so long, that I really don't think it's a good idea. Then, once they've shown interest, it becomes kind of weird and awkward.

Onward! Get to the damn point already!

So here are some signs someone might be ready to date:*
1. They stop continually posting relationship meme's on facebook about cheaters/liars or past relationship shit.
2. If they are a regular poster on social media and suddenly stopped, they are probably too occupied in their head and healing to bother. When they start posting regularly again.
3. You notice they are being socially active again, when there had been an absence.
4. When they stop talking about their ex.
5. Their current favourite songs have nothing to do with breakups, ex's or anything like that.
6. They will likely act more confident, less self-conscious and be in better spirits than they have been while they were healing.
7. (This one may just be me, but) When they don't act angry a lot of the time.

A break up is hard. I'm not sure about men, but as a woman, I certainly can relate to a chunk of meat, when I get hit on by people I know already. It feels as though they were just waiting for the moment you were single, regardless of your feelings.

Meh. Food for thought, I guess.

*Even using these signs that a person might (I said might) be ready to date again, they may still not be ready. It might be good practice to play it by ear, and wait a bit longer even, just in case.

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