Tiny Garden in August

Welcome to August!

It's been fairly hot, holding around 25 and 30 celcius most days plus humidity.
had some rain, barrels filled back up

do you have a garden video or photos? share them with me here or on facebook/twitter find me by searching "cyreks"

The Tiny Garden Progresses

I made some changes around here... hope you like it. Hell, you don't give a shit lol I tried adding a gadget that selects the most popular posts and puts them up top. Not sure if I like that yet.

Well here's the next installment in my vlog...

A Series of Unfortunate Events

I don't even know where to begin. I'm not sure what I did to deserve this, but this last year has been pretty shitty. The last 6 months have be just ridiculous.

After a tough winter financially, my amazing dog had a tumor and I had to make a very difficult (and expensive) decision.

A lady drove into the side of my PeeTee Cruiser and wrote it off.

Items were stolen off my property which I tallied up to about $700.

Jane got broken into and they stole my entire stereo (including screens). They left the sub/amp out in the rain for the night - maybe it was too heavy? Hundreds of dollars in stereo equipment that I spent years gathering and saving.

Somehow the freezer got unplugged and thawed. We lost hundreds of dollars in food.

My cell phone decided to boot loop and have tried many different things but it's done for.

The truck got broken into and we had over $100 stolen from the fundraising chocolates. The one time I have taken them out of the house recently to bring to a dinner...

I'm not entirely sure when or where my breaking point will be. I don't want to find out what the straw that is going to be to break the camel's back.

So far I have not replaced anything. I'm looking for a new vehicle still, and even though the payout was decent, it wasn't enough for a certified used car. I'll have to buy some more meat and freezer items when it's on sale again to restock the freezer slowly. Not sure when I'll be able to afford a cell phone.

So yeah, I guess I just wanted to write this shit down.

Terrible

The point in time where you haven't so much as looked at your blog in months...

That's me, right now.

It is a constant struggle to juggle all the things in the summertime, between the car, the kids, the work and the other work, and the other, other work. Add a boyfriend in the mix too, and well, there you have it. Non productive in the writing department.

Things to come, or topics to write about in the (hopefully) near future:

• Halloween
• Thanksgiving (maybe)
• TayTay in TO
• Big News
• Other, other job
• Gushy mushy shit
• Sing It All The Way
• Beta
• Jane
• Camping!

That's a pretty long list... stay tuned!

Damn, Its COLD

Well fuck.

I thought about doing a video blog of this, but... editing... I'm not sure my computer is really compatible with much of anything, and it doesn't take much to slow it down. I once did a scouting promo video (okay more than once) and it was a damn nightmare.

So it's fucking cold here in Canada. Everyone bitches about the cold in the winter, and the heat in the summer. Not I. I don't think you will ever hear me say it's too hot. For me, that's just not a thing. It really takes quite a bit for me to feel the heat, and a lot more for me to complain about it. Cold, on the other hand...

You may think, well, you're in Canada, you should be used to it by now. No, I'm not fucking used to it. Try changing from -30 C to +30 C twice a year. FUCK NO. It's fucking cold and I'm not used to it, nor will I ever be used to it, nor do I LIKE IT. FUCK THIS SHIT. I'm out.

No, I'm not really out, because I don't even own a passport. I'm fucking stuck here. When I'm old, and have money, I will be one of those people that just fuck off for the winter. I will have a home somewhere else. Somewhere warm for the winter.

Fuck snow, fuck cold, fuck layers, fuck boots, fuck snow plows, fuck SALT, fuck shovels, fuck big heavy jackets.

I love Canada. I love a lot of what it has to offer, I love that it's my home. FUCK WINTER.

I miss Summer... I want her back. She brings sunshine and cute clothes and sandals and no socks and CARS. OH DEAR GAWD DON'T FORGET THE CARS. I miss cars, I miss my car. I miss car shows. I miss going to the scrap yard. I miss not having to wear layers of clothing. I miss not regretting leaving my house without a jacket, mitts, boots and hat (or toque as we say here in Canada).

Okay, I'm done.

Maybe.

Thoughts On Dating

Do people actually date anymore? Like actually, go on dates?

As a 30 year old woman, I find dating weird. I don't understand why there has to be a label on this. I mean, can't you just hang out with someone to get to know them? Once you add the big label on it, it seems much more nerve-wracking and now you're expected to act a certain way. It's especially scary to think of going on a date with someone you don't know at all. It's much nicer to just hang out with someone for a while first, with no stress and no labels.

I recently got out of what some of my friends might call a bad relationship. I might say that it was good, and turned bad. It especially turned bad when I found out the person I was in love with, was in love with someone else, and had been seeing the someone else for quite some time. I had seen the signs, I had called them on it, they just kept weaving their web of lies and I kept believing them. You wanna see this chick turn into complete psycho? Let her find out the years of lies you've been telling her. HA!

Enough of that now, it's old news.

I'm not sure I'm "ready" for the dating thing yet. I really don't know, but I think I will know, when the time comes. I do, however, hate how everyone and their brother seem to think that a newly single female is open season within weeks of a traumatic ending of a 5 year relationship. Hell, even a month seems not enough time. Maybe it is that easy for some people to get over something like that.

I'm not some people.

I've been thinking though, given that everyone is different and people may need different amounts of time to get over things like this. There should be some sort of code of conduct, or rule list for people. So that guys and girls alike, can tell when someone is ready to start dating again. It's really hard for someone to just walk around saying "Hey, I'm available, I'm ready to date now!"

That being said, I have found it weird when people I consider friends, and were friends with "us", want to date me. I think that under normal circumstances, there's got to be some sort of line, somewhere between friend and acquaintance, where I might be comfortable trying to date (still kinda don’t like that word). Mostly, people I consider friends, have been friends so long, that I really don't think it's a good idea. Then, once they've shown interest, it becomes kind of weird and awkward.

Onward! Get to the damn point already!

So here are some signs someone might be ready to date:*
1. They stop continually posting relationship meme's on facebook about cheaters/liars or past relationship shit.
2. If they are a regular poster on social media and suddenly stopped, they are probably too occupied in their head and healing to bother. When they start posting regularly again.
3. You notice they are being socially active again, when there had been an absence.
4. When they stop talking about their ex.
5. Their current favourite songs have nothing to do with breakups, ex's or anything like that.
6. They will likely act more confident, less self-conscious and be in better spirits than they have been while they were healing.
7. (This one may just be me, but) When they don't act angry a lot of the time.


A break up is hard. I'm not sure about men, but as a woman, I certainly can relate to a chunk of meat, when I get hit on by people I know already. It feels as though they were just waiting for the moment you were single, regardless of your feelings.

Meh. Food for thought, I guess.

*Even using these signs that a person might (I said might) be ready to date again, they may still not be ready. It might be good practice to play it by ear, and wait a bit longer even, just in case.

I May Be Stupid... but...

I got nothin'. It was probably pretty stupid of me to push the POS beater car to Ottawa and back. Then to say "Hell, it made it to Ottawa, it should be fine to go to Windsor".

Heh.

About that... Well, it wasn't boring, that's for sure. The weekend started off kind of shitty when I woke up to a pile of snow Friday morning. My landlords still have my snowblower for the "tuning up" thing I begged them to do all summer. So I had to actually shovel my driveway. That kind of sucked. And started my day later than planned.

The sight out my front window on Friday morning

Finally get the car loaded up and ready to go. Stop for fuel and some oil and get on my way, over an hour later than planned. Close to 200km into my drive, in the middle of Toronto on the jam packed 401 the beast decided it was a good time to overheat and the steering becomes a bitch. Turn off the car. It's not like we're moving anyway. When traffic does start moving, I resume the steady stop and go until it just about overheats again. Pulling off the highway and into a parking lot, I automatically look under the car for any signs of anything leaking. Nada. Alas I do find a power steering belt hanging there. Well now the steering problem makes sense.

I proceed to get some work gloves from the trunk to open the rad cap and let any pressure out slowly. Seems not so bad, so I continue to open the cap. Bad news, I'm pretty sure I got a million degree burns on my chest and face as well as drinking the shit. Whoever said that animals like antifreeze because it's sweet is full of fucking shit. That shit tastes disgusting.

So picture this: I am beside my car coughing and spitting and gasping and pouring water in my mouth and it going absolutely everywhere thinking I'm about to die from drinking this shit.

Throw power steering belt in car. Pour equal amounts of water and poison into the car. Slam hood in anger. Get in car, continue driving. Miss the deadline for getting the dog to my sisters for dog sitting. Have to wait 2.5 hours for the next chance.

Good thing I had shitty traffic and car troubles and only actually had to wait a half an hour.

Fortunately that's about all the events for the trip down to Windsor.

Oh, but wait. That's not all! THERE'S MORE.

On the way home we made several stops for visiting. When leaving the last stop, about an hour from home, my battery light comes on. FUCKING GREAT. Half an hour of driving the radio starts fucking off. It took me probably close to 5 minutes, pulled over, to figure out how to turn the damn thing off. Drive another 10 minutes, gauges fuck off too. Now is when I know I'm fucked. The lights start to dim, I can barely see. I get about 10km from town and she dies.

FUCK MY LIFE. We JUST want to get HOME.

Luckily a friend is not far and comes to the rescue. Charge the battery off his car for a bit, then booked 'er home. Barely made it, and had a cop double take me a couple blocks from the house. Likely because I had barely any lights left. I wasn't stopping for anything. He wanted me, he could follow me home, I was almost there! Luckily that was not an added hassle to my weekend.

Although, I did pass an interesting set-up for radaring I'd never seen before. I saw something on the bridge ahead, getting closer and closer, trying to figure out what it is. Close enough to getting a ticket lol when I realize it's a cop standing on the bridge above the 401 using a radar gun. Half a click down the road, two more cops have people pulled over.

Otherwise, it was a decent, relaxing weekend. Even with the two hour nap I took Saturday that fucked me for going to bed that night.

Shitty Stuff and Good Stuff

I haven't been around these parts lately. I guess its hard to think with all that stuff going on. Not "I guess". It is. I'm not going to lie.

I got a new job. I'm hoping that this is my lucky break. I was without a job for two months. With being down to one very part time job (8 hours a week) and a series of expensive events, my savings ran through pretty fast.

It's not over yet. I still have some expensive events coming soon, in the form of a rebuilt rack, brakes, and tires. And that's just the maintenance stuff.

Now for the good.

Earlier this week, I was treated to see Carlos Santana live at Casino Rama. Which isn't all that far from where I live. I had enough gas in my car, so I went. After all the bullshit that's been going on in my life lately, it was really nice to enjoy being treated to a concert. Even only a couple of hours away from it all, I really appreciated it.

Speaking of appreciation, I have some really awesome friends! One of the best, Yandie has really been there for me the past few weeks. I'm so grateful to have such generous friends. In a time of need, a few have been there. Even just to keep me company. I needed it, and I'm thankful for the kindness they've shown me. I'm not out of the woods yet, but gradually, they are showing me the way out. Without them, I'm sure I'd still be lost in the darkest part of those woods right now. Nobody else I can think of are able (or may not want to be named or) tagged, so I'll leave some initials of those I want to thank. AC & MR, JP & AV, JS, CC, KM, CS, GW & SW, TE, AT. Thank you guys, even for a small contribution for my mental health, thank you.

Winter Time Blues

Yeah, that's me. I'm depressed.

Watch this.

If you're Canadian you'll think ooooohhh fuck yeah bud.
If you're American you'll laugh and not even notice that this was filmed in the summer time and we don't have snow!

Okay, so today I went out for a rip. Not in a truck, but a snowmobile. The Boyfriend borrowed his dad's for the day so he took the kids out for a rip, then went out for a rip, then took me out for a rip.

Haha, sorry (no I'm not).

We went out to 'Giant's Tomb' on the bay. This is the point in my life where I felt like Jim Carrey in Ace Ventura: When Nature Calls. Let me see if I can find a vid of that.

Overall it was a good trip, and it was nice to get out of the house and do something different. I'm pretty sure my last ride on a sled was more than 5 years ago, and a single trip like this one. Before that, probably closer to 20 years ago.

I like watching video's that make me laugh. So, what's you're happy? I shared mine, now it's your turn to share yours!

Damn You

I'm so frustrated right now. I feel so very helpless. I wrote something the other day but didn't post it due to pissing people off.

It seems impossible to keep everyone happy. As much as I don't think anyone reads my ramblings, if you write about someone (or someone's, even vaguely) they will read it. That is the force of the internet.

My frustration stems from that as well as many other places. One being my ever-returning demon. That jerkhole monkey that stays close by me, and in this time of year, tends to remind me of his presence. Reminding me that he will not be forgotten, and will keep me on a short leash until the sun becomes a regular ward again.

Too many frustrating things going on inside the hollow between my ears. Rattling around. Enough to make one mad.

So if you see me, don't mind the grimace where a smile might have been only a month ago. Its not directed at you (likely).